Monday, December 19, 2011

Worried? Just a little.

Results are coming up.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm quite confident, insyaallah.
But nobody can escape that nervous feeling and uncertainty right?
I know I can, I'm sure.
And, insyaallah, my friends will too.

But that's not the only thing scaring me now.
I'm also pretty fidgety about my team.
Yeah, MY team.
The ONE and ONLY.
I'd be lying if I said that I am absolutely sure that the trophy will be ours.
Because, dude, I'm not.
I've been having doubts and even though I've been kicking that feeling out, it still haunts me every once in a while.
Can I do this? Am I capable of being a good captain?
Frankly, I'm afraid.
I've made mistakes in the past.
Mistakes that I could never look back on, laughing.
Because it's not even funny. It doesn't give me that fuzzy feeling that it's all in the past and everything's okay now and there's nothing to worry about.
Because I'm afraid I'll make those mistakes again without me even wanting to.
I may look strong sometimes, but it's all for show.
I admit it. I'm a coward.
Scared of the future and my past.
I have faith. But sometimes that just doesn't cut it.

I need strategy.
A clear plan that I can carry out in order to reach our goal.
It's one heck of a goal, but I'm not backing down just because it's getting a little tougher.
Other teams are getting stronger, I'm very much aware of that.
All we got to do is beat them in that race.
Stay ahead the whole way.
They finished running a mile, we've gone beyond the finish line.
It's a crazy dream, i know.
But I'm not a coward to try.
It's possible, no matter how many people say it's too late.
Because it's never too late until we're done in this world.
There's always a chance.
And, insyaallah, HE will guide me through it.
HE may lead us to victory.
And even if it doesn't turn out the way we want it, that's okay.
Cause it's part of being human.
So, yeah, you might be crushed at first at the realization that your dreams have evaporated.
But the climb's the best part, isn't it?
Whatever has been will be worth it.
Because everything that happens comes with a hikmah.

We'll get through this one.

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